Ladders On The Right Wall
May 11, 2009 by Janice
Time to adjust some ladders today. Make sure they are on the right wall. I have some big tasks I have been putting off and now I think I know why. I think they were misplaced. Why misplaced? Because I was afraid.
Resistance is a funny thing. I was rocking along recently when I had one of those moments of clarity. By clarity I mean, whoa, is that what is wrong? How did I not see that before? Toss in a groan and some forehead slaps and yes, you’ve got the picture.
What is it called? Insight?
I need a new partner in my work. A new rep. It’s not that I have not been looking. I have, but not exactly where I should. It’s easy to get that wrong. Because I was looking wrong I think. I had even worked with an art business consultant. Did all the right things, submitted all the right materials. No matches. Well, not really.
It’s a lot like dating. Too much like dating.
Ack, and yuck, and nice sometimes, but ack and yuck and why can’t they be more like…wait a minute…Then it hit me. Why can’t they be more like the galleries that I love. The ones I feel a shiver and a breath of ahhh when I walk into them. A feeling of ooh this feels so right. I know who I want to date, I know who I would like to match. Why am I not campaigning, courting them? Hmph, that’s where the afraid came in and the resistance to all the others.
See misplaced ladders.
The afraid part. Yes, that’s still there. Seriously, this has huge rejection potential written all over it. Huge.
Huge.
Yep, it’s huge alright.
Do I have a ladder tall enough to get me over that?
Thinking about that. If I let that fear of rejection stop me, isn’t it me who’s taking myself out of the game? I have some galleries that I would fall all over myself to be a part of, way beyond my reach I think. Most of them are more abstract contemporary than I have been known for, but I get that feeling whenever I walk in. Yes that shiver of recognition. And a couple of them have been tracking me for quite some time. How the hell do I woo them when I am in transition myself?
See too much like dating.
It’s Organizing Monday and I think I need your help. Any tips? Seriously the tension in my neck and shoulders on this is really ridiculous. Any ideas?
Gulp. Am I really hitting publish on this? Yep. Definitely need your help on this one.
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Hi Janice,
I know EXACTLY how you feel… well exactly as two different minds might be able to.
I have reams of writing that I’ve yet to query. One agent telling me my vocabulary was “too rich for young minds” was enough to get me out of the query game and online. I’ve used my online adventures as an excuse to keep too busy to query. I would offer the advice that I have yet to follow…
Shoot for the stars. You are every bit as good as you think it’s possible you might be. Probably better. Best of luck and never hesitate to ask for a thing. The answer is already yes.
Writer Dad’s last blog post..And the winners are…
Oh my gosh, you have seriously got to stop reading my journal and publishing my thoughts! LOL! Janice, I am so glad you shared this post. It sent shivers up my spine because *sheepishly raising hand* me too! A couple of weeks ago I had the proverbial light goes on moment of realizing that I should court my ideal, that wonderful client engagement that makes me dance around with glee, and my heart skip a beat because I’m in the flow, doing great work and being appreciated for it. But that meant changes, it meant adding rungs to a ladder and stretching my arms out a bit further to reach. Was I ready? Was I good enough? Tall enough? Should I color my hair first? Advice? Hmm, lean the ladder against the wall and start climbing, no looking down only up eyes forward and grab what really is yours already.
Karen Swim’s last blog post..Let’s Connect – Maybe
Sean and Karen,
Oh man, you are just fantastic. It means changes. It means sticking my neck out when said neck is still figuring out what the next work is going to be. This whole of integrating what was and what is now. It’s a lot of change. And it means reaching out a bit more.
But man I have seen those spaces and they are just Ommm- a – liscious. And the owners, well they have something special.
Hmm .
I wonder, if I were going to date them….it wouldn’t be a stupid cover letter. That’s for sure…maybe a note of some sort though… handwritten? Oh yes, I think maybe so..
Janice,
Random ideas: If they’re local, go in. On a day when the owner’s around. Maybe call in advance, tell them you’d love to pick their brain for 20 minutes.
Then do it just like this post. Fawn, shudder, smile, and be a real fan. Right in front of them. (If I were those owners, reading this post, I’d be intrigued. I might even contact you based on it.)
Tell them you love their place, that you’ve been trying to move in a new direction, that you’d like their advice.
Don’t try for third base on the first date. Just talk about your admiration and ask for their wisdom. There is nothing like eye contact and sincere admiration to open someone up!
If not local, yes, sure, a note. Yes, handwritten (what else these days to catch someone’s eye?). Volunteer to call in a week to follow up, then do. Maybe tell them how you admire their eye, ask if they have reps they love working with, ask them if it’s too forward to simply say “we belong together”… just like dating, lol.
Unbelievable coincidence. I was talking about this exact subject with another artist this weekend. How to break in to someplace new, to broaden one’s appeal, and how “legitimate” that particular artist wants to be.
I think his fears are holding him back. What would legitimacy do to my oeuvre? He grinned when I said so.
You? Ah, nothing will hold you back for long, lady. The fact that you’re thinking it out now means you are on your way to the perfect next step. Rock on.
Oops, I kinda went on and on here. Hope it’s food for thought.
Regards,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..63 Simple Things You Can Do To Save Your Company
You know the worst part? The people who are the most prone to this are the ones who have the best stuff. The ones who need to share it with the world. The remarkable ones.
Because if you’re really putting it out there, if it has a piece of your heart in it, then you’re horribly horribly vulnerable. And rejection completely feels like it’s about you.
I have no good advice other than, if it makes you want to throw up, you’re probably doing it right. We’ve all been there (and we’re right here behind you).
Sonia Simone’s last blog post..What I Love About My Job
Ah, fear, my favorite subject. Here’s my take on it:
We are always going to be afraid of something.
Many people look at me and say, “Wow, you have no fear! Look at you go!” Truth be told, I have my own set of fears like anyone else. The difference is that I think I tend to see my fears as outside of me, over there, not a part of me. They’re like buddies I let into my house for a party.
I can let them have a few beers and talk with them for a while, or I can throw the door open wide and let them crash my house. Personally, I like my house, and while I may like my buddies, they can’t destroy what I’ve worked so hard to build.
So I throw them out. “See ya. Cops are coming. We’ll party together another day.”
But I get it isn’t easy. I get that there are all sorts of whispers. You have to pick and choose which fears you’re going to allow yourself to have, and which you’re going to call the cops on.
But I digress. My point was, we are always afraid of something. No matter how big, how popular, how famous, how skilled you are, there will always be someone or something that intimidates you. It is always your choice whether you let that hold you back, or whether you decide to try despite the fear of something going wrong.
So know your fears. Know what scares you. Know why it scares you. Fear of rejection? Okay. Get to know that fear intimately. Think of all the worst possible outcomes. Think of all the best. Eliminate what’s irrealistic (they won’t throw you out) and keep what’s possible (they say no). And each time you think of an outcome, think about how you will react to that outcome.
They say no… Okay, so what will you do? Well, if they say no here, then you’ll go there. Good. You have a plan of action. So you *know* what might happen *and* you’re prepared for the result *and* you have a course of action to follow *after* the result.
Why do this? Because we fear the unknown. If you know what your fear is, what might happen and what you’ll do, then you have no unknown. You *KNOW*. And thus, the fear is less. Still present, sure. Enough to make you nervous, sure. But less scary because now you know.
And, because you know what you’ll do if things go wrong, you won’t be paralyzed. You won’t sit in your fear and listen to it. You’ll have an action to follow through on – no time to listen to fear.
It’s a big step, Janice, when you learn it’s time to grow a bit and get bigger. But you can handle it. Because remember what I said: You’re suave, sophisticated and marvelous. Go show people that.
(*ahem* Thanks for listening. Do I need more coffee?)
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..Is Elance a Winner or Loser?
Sonia said it perfectly…
“Because if you’re really putting it out there, if it has a piece of your heart in it, then you’re horribly horribly vulnerable. And rejection completely feels like it’s about you.”
You’re definitely on the right track, Janice. This is a superb and very brave post. Thanks for putting it out there.
Mary Anne Fisher’s last blog post..Why Providing Massive Value Isn’t Enough in Today’s Online Marketplace
Kelly, Sonia, James and Mary Anne,
(Artist is now breathing into a little brown sack trying not to hyperventilate..)
Kelly- I will take your “on and on” anytime and as soon as the nausea passes I am going to take some of your really good advice. It’s the change in the work, it’s still in progress. It all feels scary and exciting . And yet I think it might be the key to the whole thing.
Sonia- Good to know. LOL
“And rejection completely feels like it’s about you.” I think the closer it comes to our meaningful dreams the more it feels that way. How can it not be about us? Well, except when it is about them.
James-These places are so the big guy places. I have come close several times.. So close..Gulp.
“So know your fears. Know what scares you. Know why it scares you. Fear of rejection? Okay. Get to know that fear intimately. Think of all the worst possible outcomes. Think of all the best. Eliminate what’s irrealistic (they won’t throw you out) and keep what’s possible (they say no). And each time you think of an outcome, think about how you will react to that outcome.”
I want them to see through all the many possible reasons for no and say yes I see that in you. And here’s how we’ll get there. Here’s your part and here’s ours. It’s not just business, it’s a relationship. Not every one out there gets that. Wanting a real one with the big guys in this when my work is so in progress.. yep.. I will be working on that list now….thank you Quebecois.
Mary Anne- It is so nice to see you here. So nice. I love what you do. And thank you. This was not an easy thing for me to do personally, but sometimes you just have to ask the people you trust and respect for perspective. I am so glad I did.
Sonia,
Every. Darned. Day.
What an excellent way to put it. An awesome way to know if you’re on the right path!
Janice,
My patented longcomments are yours anytime, dear. (Though I think I spotted James infringing on my patent here.)
Hope it helps!
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..63 Simple Things You Can Do To Save Your Company
Sonia did say it perfectly. I know exactly how you feel. I despise asking for anything. The whole social media thing is really difficult for me for that reason. I just want to lock myself up in a room and write, while exchanging emails with those I find engaging. Alas, there are rules to follow and sticking our neck out is something that must be done. Your work is beautiful and you will succeed. Without risk there is no reward.
I wish you all my best.
Writer Dad’s last blog post..And the winners are…
Sean,
I am laughing … we have the same “ideal” state of working…People who know me know I can be social with the best of them and I like that too to an extent, but my preferred state? Yes, Is a little more private.
To everyone,
I can’t tell you how much better I feel just reading your words. And LOL I heard from one of my guru’s in a tweet a moment ago, just reminding me to breathe.
But knowing that I have moved my ladders and why, and that you all GET this, feels so much better. Scary, but scary good.
Not only are you all devastatingly handsome and beautiful, you are brilliant too.
I am making my “date” list of galleries that I drool over. And tossing the others to the curb. I think that’s a start, don’t you?
And I am making that list James suggested of what it is that is so frightening for me about going after my ideal match.
And I am going to pay a visit to the one local gallery on the list. They have a new show up.
Hm, I like thinking of this as courting/campaigning.. it does make sense not to try for third base … maybe just coffee and conversation first.
And Sonia, maybe we need a name for this hot mess of nerves that we creatives get…something gut wrenchingly sassy.
Wow! What a great response to a great post! I also encourage you to put your neck out there and go after the galleries that really attract you. You can tell you’re on the right track when it gets scary. If you’re just doing the safe thing, you don’t get as scared but you don’t really get much satisfaction if you get a show. I would predict that if you do get a show in a gallery that really resonates with you, you will also sell more work because (surprise) that gallery will attract visitors of a similar mindset to you that will naturally appreciate your work. They say: find your customers where you like to shop!
Todd Smith’s last blog post..Preliminary image selection for next year’s calendar
Todd,
Isn’t it wonderful? Here I am in this paralyzingly aha moment, and my friends have just the right words to pull me through to the other side.
I am literally working on that list of what’s the big scary thing about this (that James suggested)…about going after my specific drool over places.
That electric tense thing is moving right up my spine and headed to the middle of my shoulders.. …must be doing something really right.
“They say: find your customers where you like to shop!”
I really like that. It’s going into the plan.
Act like you own it. Act like you belong there. Act like you deserve to be there, like you *should* be there.
Because you do. The shy wallflower never gets noticed. The one that owns the moment does.
James Chartrand – Men with Pens’s last blog post..Is Elance a Winner or Loser?
James,
There are the keys to the kingdom right there. Sometimes it takes reminding.
“The one that owns the moment does.”
Huge. Breathing that one in. Profoundly huge.
Best. Comment section. Ever.
Kelly’s last blog post..GIVEAWAY: Collapse of Distinction and book review
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Janice, I don’t really know you or your work, but judging from the comments, you have every reason to think your work deserves all the attention it can get. One way I’ve overcome the fears you describe so well is to remember that it’s just business. That’s a hard pill for artists to swallow, because good ones put every bit of their heart and soul into their work. But I think that’s true of anyone who is any good at selling anything – just not as obviously so. If we take professional rejections personally, we make a grave error, I believe. People sometimes say “no” because they woke up on the wrong side of bed or for other reasons that have nothing to do with you or your offer. In the end, what difference does it make? Life goes on. And … there’s always the chance someone will say, Yes! Where have you been all my life? You are the answer to my dreams.
Brad,
It’s so good to see you here. Thank you. Good points. Really good.
That’s what I would love to hear from these particular places,
“You are the answer to my dreams.”
or at least, you can play here too. LOL.
It is business. Early on I set aside a file just for those kinds of letters. If you are out there, it comes with the territory. I have great wins too, but I keep those rejections right beside them for balance.
In selling, don’t good salesman run the list of objections in advance and come up a framework that leads to yes?
When we are the “product”, the very inside of us is the product… well… you can see….running up that list is not like selling a widget… um..or is it? Could I widgetize what I am selling??…hm….
If my art was a widget what would it be?..hm.. LOL .
Hmm… thanks Brad… Compartmentalizing in the works…
Hi Janice,
Max Ehrmann in Desiderata said:
“If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself”
I think a lot of the fear comes from comparing ourselves to others, or comparing ourselves to an ideal in our minds and becoming paralysed by the thought that we might not ever see it in the light of day.
There comes a time when you have to let go and realise that your work will always mean different things to different folks so just GET IT OUT THERE
Sometimes when I rehearse a new song alone and imagine myself performing it live, the fear grips me…will they understand? Will they think it’s crappy? Will they?….Then I breathe deeply and say…well I’m damn sure gonna find out!
Conor
Conor,
Thank you so much for stopping by. I love what you said. Love the Desiderata too. Thank you.
I was nodding my head , yes, yes, and then came to this part that made me laugh right out loud :
“Well I am damn sure gonna find out! ”
That was the moment I had had in not getting the warm fuzzies over what was going on and deciding to move the ladders. LOL
I bet your songs are lovely. Even in the making of them and the rawness of process.
Janice, there is no bravery without fear. And we all know fortune favors the brave.
All it takes to move mountains is the first step, without which there cannot be a second (or a thousand).
If you were at the end of your life on your deathbed, what would you regret or not regret?
Would you like to leave this earth having shed your mortal coil knowing you left nothing untried?
No regrets.
Okay Martine,
You don’t deliver halfway, EVER. LOL
Phew. While I was reading your words I could see it… me where I wanted to be. The picture firmly in my mind. And you know what? It’s getting to FEEL more right. More, of course you should do exactly that.
I am no stranger to this, it’s just, well, things got a little tossed and tumbled, you know? There was a lot of loss.
It means more than ever now. Much more than ever. That’s what makes it hard, the integration part. Because everything changed, except the dream.
I would regret very much not going after my ideal match, not going after where I really belong…How will they know if I don’t show them? Yes, it would be on me, not them, and I would regret that very much.
Thank you.
Janice – I found your blog through Kelly’s fantastic Maximum Customer Experience Blog. I can sooo relate to this post: the fear of rejection, the resistance, the FEAR, period. But I’m here to tell you that when you acknowledge the fear, look it square in the eye, feel it in your gut and go ahead anyway to work your way through it to the other side, it’s the most mind-boggling natural high you can possibly imagine! And once you have the courage to do that, it not only applies to your work, for example, but it spreads out into every facet of your life. So, the next time you’re faced with an “insurmountable obstacle,” no matter the context, you’ll remember your conquest, and it will boost your confidence. Trust me on this.
Your comment, “If I let that fear of rejection stop me, isn’t it me who’s taking myself out of the game?” EXACTLY! Think about it another way: if someone ELSE was stopping you, wouldn’t you do your damndest to push them aside and prove yourself worthy of the goal! Well, girl, get out of your own way, then!
Bobbi,
“Think about it another way: if someone ELSE was stopping you, wouldn’t you do your damndest to push them aside and prove yourself worthy of the goal! Well, girl, get out of your own way, then! ”
Isn’t that the truth?!! LOL
Still laughing, but nodding my head oh yeah, absolutely… and isn’t that it a lot of times, getting out of our own way?
I am so glad you came over from Kelly’s (who IS fantastic ) and put that in front of me. Thank you.
Bobbi,
Thanks!
Until later,
Kelly
Kelly’s last blog post..Inspiration Points: Sonia Simone When You Weren’t Looking
Hello my friend, sorry I’m a wee bit late…
I’d say… maybe try ditching the idea of a ladder. Stretching a tall ladder even higher up again? That’s going to make anyone feel a little bit wobbly.
What if it was a path you were going to follow in a slightly different direction, to see where it went? Or perhaps a tributary of a river…;-)
Experiment with things that help to make the dream seem real. Try a vision board maybe – you’re visual aren’t you? Maybe try writing it ‘as if’ it was already happening (’Write it Down, Make It Happen’, well worth a read, and practice of what she says)
And another… perhaps those galleries aren’t quite it, but perhaps they’ll know just the gallery that is the right match for you and your work, and by putting yourself out there you’re not going to get rejected but find people who will help you find the match.
Because somehow or another human beings are designed to try and make those matches happen – we love to see the shimmers, to hear the notes resonate.
Joanna Young’s last blog post..Stick-To-It-Iveness: Guest Post by Lillie Ammann
“Because somehow or another human beings are designed to try and make those matches happen – we love to see the shimmers, to hear the notes resonate.”
Joanna,
Oh, your words just made me stop and listen… they are wetlands words for sure. I love the idea of looking at the adjusted list as a river with tributaries. Even though these are all very urban places, they are linked like that.
I think I will print out their facades and make a vision board for them… or at least a section in my notebook.
And you are right about referrals. Even Gerald Peters who is mega huge…has been very kind to me. I forgot they have a gallery here too, not just the one in Santa Fe ( which bent over backwards to help me there.)
Thank you my friend.
Wow.
Janice, As you know, I’m new here. Found your blog weeks ago. Your writing intrigued me – your visuals sold me. Don’t know what I don’t know about your journey, but you have obviously struck a nerve with your readers.
Brick walls are tough. I’ve run into a few myself over the years and I’m glad you’re already thinking about climbing over. My head still aches from the times that lesson was lost on me
Joanna is right about looking for every path over, around, under (and yes sometimes through) the walls you find in your way.
Be confident in your vision, even if it is in transition (when is it not?). Be confident in what you ask for, since only you know what you want. And most important – listen for the real opportunity, it’s usually hiding where you least expect and is often preceded by the word ‘no’. (Oops, fell into platitude country. Oh, well… they work, so might as well use ‘em.)
Best of luck and keep creating!
Fred H Schlegel’s last blog post..Physics, Ideation, Community & Entanglement
Fred,
Oddly enough your article on entanglement had a bit to do with all this…the pushing through part. That was a visual image that made sense to me. I was checking all the lines to see if any were indeed holding me back. And bingo some were very definitely needing snipping.
And little reminders have been popping up since reading all the incredible encouragement here, little reminders that I will post at some point about how opportunity has a strange way of showing up when WE do.. sometimes in VERY unexpected places.
How wonderful it is to read your words, I think owning the transition, something I thought was a minus, might be the thing, it’s the scariest part…so that’s where I am going. To the not knowing place ( but with James list in hand on what’s so scary there )
Thank you so very much. You’ve made a difference to me. I appreciate that.
This was just the thing I needed today, Janice.
Thank you. Your words will help me get over my own walls.
Brett Legree’s last blog post..turning point.
Brett,
Look at all these hands willing to help boost us both right over the wall…can’t beat that can we?
And you are welcome my friend.
Oh I know! It is awesome, isn’t it. We can do this. It is a long weekend here this weekend, and I’ll be working (not too hard!) on stuff that really matters i.e. not my day job
Brett Legree’s last blog post..turning point.
Brett,
See. There you go. Probably some “tree time” in there too ? Time in your happy place?
Exactly – the buds are opening on “tree” so we’ll be spending some quality time together this weekend (with some wine for me, of course!)
Brett Legree’s last blog post..turning point.
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